::How to quiet the outside voices and opinions::

HELP! Everyone wants to help.

If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a hundred times. One (maybe not so) surprising aspect of being engaged is that so many people have an opinion. It can really catch couples off guard and knowing what to do with it can be a challenge. For the most part, people are just excited and want to be a part of things. Many even see their questions and opinions as a form of being helpful. And maybe they are helpful but once the kitchen has too many cooks, it’s okay to regulate.

Sometimes, my couples are so overwhelmed by all of the input but they feel badly declining the help because they feel rude. I appreciate this sensitivity but there is also a solution! I encourage re-direction as much as possible. For example, there may be a lot of ladies that want to host a party but your needs are met. Could it be possible to re-direct them to the idea of hosting a mani-pedi party for you and your bridesmaids the day before the wedding?

Or when someone offers an opinion, perhaps just answer honestly with your actual plans or simply direct them to the person you’ve delegated for handling the task. You can be kind and have a fun conversation with someone trying to be happy for you without letting them take your energy. Be confident in your selections, thank them and tell them you are excited for it to all come together. Then walk away and use or discard the info.

Another method for quitting the noise is to not talk about it yourself. The more you talk about it, the more people offer feedback. This can be hard because it’s exciting and it’s relevant to your current daily life. But if you don’t want people to engage in this, don’t bring it up around them.

Either way, take a look at your current situation with the following reflections:

·       Decide who, at a minimum, gets a say. Bride and Groom + who?

·       Identify all the voices you currently have pouring into this process.

·       Does the load feel light, just right or heavy?

·       If too light- maybe you need to consider asking for help. If too heavy, commit to guarding yourself and not feeling guilty about that.

This wedding is about you and your groom. We strongly believe in guest considerations that provide comfort and longevity for them (if they aren’t comfortable and happy, they leave) but they don’t get to tell you what food to serve or which vendors to book. That is between you, your chosen voices and the professionals you have hired to guide you. 

Amber AndersonComment