I recently announced my crazy sauce plans of writing marriage curriculum. I also mentioned that I plan to start tackling rape culture, and while I will soon write a post about that, today is about all the marriage goodies.
Working with engaged couples, I have every day insight to how planning a wedding can really impact relationships in a negative way. It makes sense…. there is a lot of pressure that goes into committing your forever self to one single person. Not to mention all of those little details that go into planning a big party. It’s exhausting.
One story I tell is about a couple that fought (like fought, guys…for real) over where the cake would go in the layout. Sure, there were several options, but none of them better or worse than the other. It literally didn’t matter where the cake would showcase it’s pretty little self and here I am, with the venue owner, as an observer to this awkward wedding planning moment. We gave them a little space to talk but eventually just had to break it up. Hellooooo, there are people dying in Syria, hate crimes in our own backyards and foster kids begging for a home. You’re going to fight over a cake table? My hunch: it wasn’t about the cake.
Does it usually go down like that? No, not at all. But I’m not stupid. Just because it isn’t happening in front of me doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. I wasn’t the most pleasant bride and my own hindsight assists me in identifying brides that are stressed, overwhelmed or too concerned with and controlling of details. I spot it from a mile away, buried under that fake smile like I don’t know you squabbled the whole drive over to our meeting. Try as you may, deny as you may, I know.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about in conflict. In fact, I think the best growth comes from conflict. One of my secret weapons when interviewing potential clients it asking them if they have any conflicting ideas about the wedding and how they are resolving it. I want to know how they approach these road blocks because it’s not IF but WHEN and it’s important that I know their plans for it.
My husband and I started dating 7 years ago, this month actually, and have been married for 5.5 years. I know, just babies aren’t we?! But a lot can happen in 7 years. By no means do we have a picture perfect marriage; though, we do have one I’m very proud of and open about. It’s a healthy one and despite some very dark days and seasons, we have tools in place to avoid letting those seasons spiral out of control to the point of no return.
So there you have it! The combination of feeling equipped in my own marriage and having a unique audience of engaged couples has given me passion to speak about relationships! I want to talk about avoiding the pitfalls of engagement. I also want to present tools and resources that allow my couples to have open conversation and successful marriages. I think you all have known for a long time that I may plan weddings but it’s always been about much more to me.
I’ll be spending some time in January mapping this out and I’m guessing that the blog will be the foundation. Until then, I’d love to hear from you! What would you like to hear about? What area of your relationship could use improvement? Where do you thrive and what helps you remain successful in that area? What fears do you have about planning and how that may impact your relationship?