Year over year, weddings have grown in magnitude and creativity to a point that I’m just not sure how sustainable it is. Style Me Pretty says no to every six figure wedding I submit, stating every wedding they see is all the same and they want something fresh and new (ps- like what??? Tattoo artists tatting wedding rings on fingers in the ceremony? Okay, now that would be cool… hmmmm!) when 5 years ago, they blushed over every $20k burlap and lace wedding I sent. They couldn’t get them fast enough. Where are we going with this?
Are weddings overdone? I don’t know. It’s not my business what you grow on your money tree so while $3k may be a fortune to one and $60k to another, some may not even flinch at six figures. Cool. Do your thing. But I do know:
1. That which was once church, cake and punch has turned into a circus of monkies with bride and momzillas. And if you've become one to your absolute horror, give yourself some grace. Everything around you says "it's all about you." You are bound to have a terrible moment based on the stresses and pressures. But you are strong and capable of keeping this from being a pattern.
2. Pinterest, blogs, Insta –social media in general, have become an inspiration overload and you need help navigating it. Because if you don’t get yourself in check, you will become a monster. You’ll either be stressed by all of the decisions or you’ll get greedy and want it all. So hang tight, I have those tips comin atchya below.
We agree that your finances are none of my business, other than yes- you must tell me your wedding budget in order for me to help you. But what is my business is your attitude. Is your heart in the right place on this whole wedding thing? Because attitude is where I’m seeing an issue. I have brides that spend six figures and they are kind, sweet and focused on their groom and their marriage (see image above!!). Then I have clients that spend very little but they are total witches. And vice versa. Money may not play a role but attitude does.
When is a wedding overdone?
- When it’s solely about the bride.
- When brides roll their eyes at mom’s input.
- When mom doesn’t care what bride thinks.
- When guest comfort isn’t priority.
- When couples fight over where the cake table will go in a land of many options.
- When unhealthy debt is incurred.
- When other important things in one's life are neglected and dropped.
- When the vendors are treated like help or are micromanaged. (So what if you’re paying them? You catch more flies with honey…. Do you want an awesome day or an ‘I met my contractual obligations’ kind of day?)
I could write a blog on each of these topics. Maybe I will. Great pipeline here….
I would like to take a moment to stress that I chose the picture above as a visual for a reason. Holly and Skip produced an extravagant wedding with not only the right focus of guest comfort and marriage, they treated their 'help' with kindness along the way and demonstrated character and inner beauty by doing so.
If you’re like me, you appreciate nice things and you love a fancy night out, but it’s not your world. And that’s why you are here as either my client or someone that is researching me to serve you on your wedding day. We get each other.
It may be your mother’s world or your mother-in-law’s world and that’s cool… if they have Benji’s to drop… let it rain. Either way, I DO think our culture is in a unique position to celebrate weddings the way we do and of life’s events, it’s definitely top tier. In my house, the only other things that rank as high are finding faith in God and having babies. Attending funerals are up there too! Marriage is an incredibly important covenant and it most definitely deserves all the confetti in the world. (PSA: do not have confetti at your wedding. I don’t want to talk about it. #PTSD)
No doubt, the instant access of inspiration found through social media has caused us all to be trapped on a rat wheel of keeping up with the Joneses but I urge you to just Be You! Plan the six figure ballroom wedding of your dreams. It’s a drop in the bucket to you. Or go on with your cowgirl self and ranch it up with your burlap and lace. Now, I can assure you every vendor will roll their ever loving eyes if they hear the word burlap one more time, but girl, go on with it! This is your rodeo, not mine.
You want a gorgeous wedding and my darling, a gorgeous wedding you shall have. But drop the ‘tude, get it in check, remember what this day is about and follow my tips for Pinning and Gramming with control:
- Collect cohesive ideas both minimal and grand. BUT know yourself. Do you do best by starting with colors or do you do better when starting with an item and build from there? Perhaps your item is familial, cultural or even geographical. Whatever it is, have a starting point and build from there with strategy. Be kind to yourself and don’t pin the fluff. You are going to like a hundred and eight bouquets and they are going to all be different. Don’t do it. I see you over there. Stop. Embrace your inner Elsa and let.it.go. I tell brides that no one will ever know what 8 fonts you compared for your invitations so pick one and let the rest go. They are all pretty! No sweat, you win.
- Talk to your planner about your priorities and budget. If a potential client shies away from telling me her budget, she isn’t the client for me. I’m not going to take advantage of you! My gosh. But Heavens to Betsy, I cannot at all help you without a foundation to start with. Yeah, you’re going to spend $10k on me and think you can do the rest of your wedding with $15k? Here is your crazy pill. Take two and call me in the morning. Let.me.help.you! YES, I have told plenty of brides that I think another planner may be a better fit. I care about you. Ask your planner if the numbers make sense.
- Find a few great Instagram accounts you love and ditch the rest. Yes, I follow exactly 8 million accounts but it’s my JOB. Don’t invite the clutter into your Zen space. It creates indecisiveness and buyer’s remorse.
- Same with the blogs… who is the queso to your chip? Stick with them.
- Avoid DIY stuff. I’ve said it before and I’ll say again. Unless you’re a 1st grade art teacher or are groovin’ with the likes of Picasso, you have no business pretending you can craft your wedding into perfection. It’s overwhelming, costly and worst, takes up a lot of time and space. None of which you have. Truth be told, none of which I have, so just know that your lack of proper DIY planning does NOT constitute my emergency.
- Avoid any blogs steering you from the pros. They are wrong. They are so mean and I want to cry all the ugly tears for the stress they will cause you. I’m not even going to have this conversation. If you’re not interested in hiring professional vendors, you may now jump to another blog. We are done here.
So switching gears because this was written more about bridal attitude. But from the bottom of my heart, one thing I think needs to go is budget shaming. Who cares what your budget is? Don’t let a vendor make you feel badly for what you do or do not have. Accept that they work within certain budgets for whatever reason and find a better fit. I’m super excited to join Borrowed & Blue’s #everywedding campaign. You deserve to see real weddings with real budgets from real people like yourself. Not a bunch of six figure teasers that make you feel small. On that note, stay tuned for next week’s post, specifically about budget shaming.